Thursday, June 27, 2013

Eating Disorders Suck-and I don't ever say suck.

Last night I had my NEDA bake sale at my local YMCA. I chose to have it here because I know a lot of people here and I thought it would be successful. I was right! I raised much more than I anticipated which is so exciting. What really surprised me was how generous everyone was-complete strangers and all! Multiple people donated because their sister or loved one had struggled with an eating disorder.

I was so surprised when people were openly telling me about their experiences with eating disorders. When everyone was asking me why I was having a bake sale for NEDA, I told them I wanted to support the great cause. Only to a few did I tell the real reason-I had an eating disorder too.

I struggled with bulimia for all of high school. My high school sweetheart/what I thought was going to be my forever sweetheart broke up with me because he wanted to date someone "normal". I hid my bulimia from everyone in my life. It destroyed me when he left because of it, but more because people didn't know. They didn't know that it was my fault and that I put him through so much. They didn't know that everyday we fought about me making myself throw up. They didn't know that even though I tried to fight for him and get him back, in my heart I knew that I never could because I had ruined the whole thing.

Fast forward through a terrible year for me-I cried every single day-and I decided to go on a date. It was an older guy from  my church and the "older" and "owned a business" parts were very attractive to me. What wasn't? The fact that when I started to share about what went wrong in my last relationship, he didn't know what an eating disorder was. 

I'm not sure if he was just uneducated or if that really is a statement of today's society. People don't talk about eating disorders!!! I fully understand-very few people know about my past struggles-but it can't be a taboo subject. If I felt like I was 100% recovered, I would share my story. Sadly, there have been times that I have purged within the last year and even month.
It's a long road!

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