Thursday, October 24, 2013

letting go

As always in October, I spent a lot of time reflecting on the last three years of my life. I also spent a lot of time this month being sad because I was thinking about a time in my life that was so heart-breaking for me. Do you know what I realized?
I need to let the past go.
I had fooled myself into thinking that I let it go, but the truth is that when I eat too much or get a bad grade on a test, you're not good enough comes back into my head. When I see a guy that I want to talk to, you are boring plays in my ear and I don't.
I still hear all of the things that he said to me years ago.
The feeling of being inadequate has plagued me ever since he left.

Want to know a secret?
I run about 30 miles a week, yet I don't consider myself a runner.
I ran a marathon and am going to run another and I don't consider myself a runner.
Because I'm not the fastest and I'm not the best.
It's the sad, honest truth and I need to get over it.
I have somehow cemented into my brain that since I wasn't good enough for him, I am not good enough period.
This is a lie and I have believed it for exactly three years.
Today, October 25, 2013, I am letting it go.
I am good enough and I am going to keep my face towards the sunshine.
Do you have anything that you need to let go?

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