This Friday, I went out for my weekly long run. My run was going great and I was almost done-literally on the last mile-when I hit a mental block. Every fall I get a little emotional because it is my favorite time of year, yet the anniversary of something very sad for me. As I was running and thinking about the impending anniversary of my "dark days", I started thinking all of these negative thoughts.
I couldn't push myself to keep going and almost just bagged the run.
I said a prayer and then kept going and finished my run, taking my time and just getting the mile in rather than rushing it.
When I got back, I felt so defeated when I should have felt great that I ran eleven miles and that I could check another LR off my training plan.
The next day, I went to training for an after-school program that I will be volunteering for.
Girls on the Run is a program for girls ages 8-10 to instill self-confidence, health habits and empowerment. The goal of Girls on the Run is to instill these habits at an age where girls are still willing to listen to adults. They are young enough that they haven't been fully taken over by peer-pressure and media yet.
I was already excited to be a part of GOTR, but training escalated it for me.
After hearing the history behind GOTR and about the lives that it has impacted, I got teary eyed. I know that if I had been involved in GOTR as a young girl, it would have been such a great help in my middle school and high school years. Don't get me wrong; my parents, family and friends have always been wonderful to me.I think that as a young girl, programs like this can be so influential to us.
That feeling of defeat that came over me during my run was brought on my years of hearing that I wasn't good enough. It's a place that I let my thoughts go to when I am reminded of him and think "I wonder if he ever thinks about me". They are thoughts that are ridiculous and should be pushed way out of my head. Yet every few months, they come up.
While at training, I started to think about why I run.
I run because it is an outlet for me.
I run because it makes me feel strong and confident.
I run because I was blessed with two working legs and I am going to use them.
The next time I am feeling defeated or start thinking these ridiculous thoughts, I will keep running harder, and just remember why I run in the first place. I run because I am strong.
Why do you run?